


A Thing for Authority

by blushamatic



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/M, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Post-Canon, The Raven Queen Can Get It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 04:31:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12904101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blushamatic/pseuds/blushamatic
Summary: Barry and Lup are surprised to learn their new Queen is a total babe. Kravitz would prefer they didn't talk about his employer that way.





	A Thing for Authority

“Soooooo . . .” Taako nudges a cherry tomato around his dinner plate, eyes darting from Lup to Barry to Kravitz and back again. “How was the ole first encounter?”

His three favorite reapers exchange glances, each deferring to the other to answer, the dorks. Kravitz finally clears his throat. “Positive, I thought?”

His new coworkers nod vigorously.

Kravitz goes on: “I wouldn’t presume to speak for Barry and Lup—she met with each of us privately—but she seemed pleased. Impressed, even. Which, no great surprise there.”

“Good, good, fabulous, but um . . .” Taako levels his eyes at his sister and Barry. “I wanna hear what these two doofuses thought of the Raven Queen.”

\- - -

Barry regrets shaving. He feels like a baby-faced rube. He reminds himself that his physical appearance likely does not matter to a deity whose primary concern is his soul. Still, he’s standing in a throne room—he wants to look like he belongs there.

 _Come forward_.

The invitation floats into his consciousness. He takes several steps forward without hesitation, squinting at the shadowy dais at the end of the room. As he nears, curls of energy swarm the high-backed, black marble chair atop the dais and coalesce to form a seated figure, one that—oh. My. Well, there She was.

Hm. See, when Barry decided to become a lich, he knew he was committing a grave crime; he knew he was breaking the laws of life and death. However, he hadn’t thought much about those laws having actual, like, enforcers. He knew those enforcers existed and that he’d answer to them one day, but not exactly like this. Definitely not like this. When he defied death, he hadn’t considered he’d be pissing off the tall, broad-shouldered, amber-eyed woman before him now. This immaculately made-up goddess with a jaw that could cut glass.

Barry is quite used to his friends and loved ones wisping in and out of human forms—more comfortable with it than most mortals, probably. That part isn’t strange; that isn’t what’s making his palms sweat and his face hot. It’s the look she’s giving him. She appears . . . appraising? Bemused? He’d braced himself for intimidating detachment, not smoldering curiosity. His clothes feel tight.

The voice returns, this time from that conjured human mouth: “I’ve been _very_ eager to meet _you_.”

Barry gulps.

\- - -

Fuck divinity; Lup is ready to wheel and deal. Kravitz had negotiated the finer points of their contracts before these meetings, with no indication that the Raven Queen planned to challenge any of them, but Lup knows it’s better to be prepared. She’s back in her flesh body with a renewed resolve for doing things her way. They’d broken the law for all the right reasons and dammit, they deserve a fair shake. She’s prepared a mental list of hard no’s and possible points of compromise.

“Compromise” evaporates from her brain as soon as she catches sight of that throne.

“Sit.”

Lup had planned to stand. Now, she wants nothing but to obey that rich, rumbling voice. Behind her, a low stool upholstered in violet silk appears. She sinks into it, back straight, knees pressed together, the picture of obedience.

“You are a striking family, aren’t you.”

Lup’s cheeks burn.

“Your brother is similarly blessed. It is a great distraction to my dear Kravitz.”

Now, Lup knows—she _knows_ —not to get defensive with a goddess, but this is Taako, and protecting him is as reflexive as breathing. “I’m sure Taako wouldn’t—”

“It pleases me. Kravitz needs distractions.” Those perfect, painted lips . . . are smiling? “He can be too single-minded in his work.”

An unfamiliar compulsion to please flares in Lup’s gut. She almost, _almost_ musters up the courage to smile.

“You and your beloved interest me greatly.” The Queen’s eyes glitter. “You are not the first liches to tether yourselves through love, but you might be the purest of heart.” She twists an inky curl of energy around one long finger. “You’re unquestionably the most successful.”

“Thank you. Y-your Majesty.”

“That was _not praise_.”

Lup’s spine straightens instantly. She grips the sides of her little stool. So much for wheelin’ and dealin’.

The Queen’s voice is thunderous now. “You have broken my Laws, and administering my Justice is a grave task.” Her face clears, just then, and her smile is back. “One I hope you’ll find agreeable.”

\- - -

“She seemed . . . reasonable,” Barry offers, then takes another bite.

Taako swirls his wine glass. “Annnnd?” He leans into Barry and lowers his voice ever so slightly. “She’s hot, right?”

Several things happen at once, to Taako’s delight. Kravitz makes a sound like his lungs are evacuating his chest. Barry drops his cutlery. Lup throws her hands up and wails, “ _Fuck_ yeah! Thank you!”

Taako rolls his eyes. “Sure sure, big surprise, Lu, of course you’re horny for the goth MILF.”

“Taako”—uh oh, Kravitz is using his _authority_ voice—“do you have to use ‘MILF’ to describe my employer?”

“Mhmm, why not?”

“Taako, she is my _boss_. She—created this body for me. She’s like—”

“Sounds a little like a mom, Krav.” Lup winks. “A spooky immortal mom I’d like to f—”

Kravitz places both elbows on the table and sinks his face into his hands. “I did this to myself.”

Taako, eyes like searchlights, turns his attention to sweet Barry. “You’re being conveniently quiet, Barold. Care to weigh in?”

Lup throws an arm around the back of Barry’s chair. “Yeah, Barry, on a scale of one to definitely, how badly did you want her to step on your neck?”

Kravitz jerks his head up, unable to contain himself. “She has other forms, you know! Like, terrible ones! Incarnations literally designed to break the mortal mind! Nightmarish configurations of raven anatomy!”

“Oh yeah? Wow, I guessed you two were freaky, Lu, but damn.”

Lup does her best to glower at her brother. “She wasn’t a fucking bird monster when we met her, Taako.”

“No, she wasn’t, she receives guests in her humanoid form”—Kravitz is nearly stumbling over his words in his haste to set the record straight—“designed to be comprehensible to non-divines. It’s practical. Beautiful, sure, absolutely, but functional. She’s—”

“Relax, babe, Lup’s just grumpy ‘cause she thought she was gonna get _punished_ by a mean goddess and instead went home with a bunch of paperwork.”

Lup lunges over the table. “That is _not_ what—shut up!”

Taako bounces in his chair. “Uh, hi! Yeah! Maybe if you don’t wanna get called out on your kinky shit at the dinner table, maybe don’t forget your fucking _leather paddle_ under the coffee table in our _shared living room_ , sis!”

Lup’s eyes widen. Barry’s face has escalated to “strawberry.” Kravitz is staring intently at his glass, lips curling into a smirk in spite of himself. Everyone is perfectly still.

Barry’s voice is just barely audible when he says, “I _told_ you the living room was a bad idea.”

Lup gives him a long, hard look out the corner of her eye. “Well, if you hadn’t _begged_ me to use the paddle . . .”

“DINNER IS OVER. OKAY. GOOD NIGHT.”

And with a flurry of levitated plates and napkins, Taako flees to the kitchen, Kravitz trotting dutifully behind.

Barry glances at Lup. They grin in tandem.

“Not every day we out-gross those two,” Barry whispers.

Lup high-fives him, then throws back the last of her wine. “Seriously though. The Queen, am I right?”

Barry inhales, gives her a look over the tops of his glasses, then lets out a long, low whistle.

Lup cackles. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yell with me on my new Twitter: @blushamatic


End file.
